The Big 4-Oh!

Somebody queue Steve Harvey and his mustache… 

I asked one hundred women what has changed about their sex life since turning forty. Number one answer, ORGASMS. Yup! Ok so maybe it wasn’t a hundred women but it was at least twenty and they all said the same thing: ORGASMS. It’s honestly one of my favorite past times. Pretty cool word too, well that and “clitoris”. In case you were wondering, yes I am screaming it at you, hence the caps. I almost feel like Pee Wee Herman from the 80’s show with his word of the day. Ahhhhhh!

Now that I’ve gotten your attention, let’s talk! 

What is an ORGASM? Well it depends on who you ask. I’m a writer and I say it’s the monumental point of excitement where lust, satisfaction and tension come together to complete the sex act, that’s why it’s called the “climax”. Medical professionals use physiological changes to the body to define it, while mental health professionals use emotional and cognitive changes. Who’s right? Boffum.

Your sexual health does affect your mental health and vice versa. The brain and body work together through touch and arousal, sending a message to the brain to lubricate the vagina while pumping blood flow to the clitoris. Webster defines it as “intense or paroxysmal excitement; especially the rapid pleasurable release of neuromuscular tensions at the height of sexual arousal that is accompanied by vaginal contractions.”

ORGASMS last between ten seconds to less than a minute. Most women don’t have a recovery period, which means once stimulated we can have ORGASMS back to back. Amazing right? That something so short can be so powerful… I asked those same women to describe their ORGASMS.  I heard everything from a volcano erupting over and over again, your soul leaving your body, to your legs “falling asleep” while veering off a cliff and landing in a field of euphoria. OK, ladies all that sounds wonderful but here’s some more news; some women have never experienced an orgasm during intercourse. 

As we get older, a few factors come into play; both beneficial and non. By 40, women have mastered their careers, kids are grown and out of the house and we’re more content with our bodies and lifestyle choices. We’re confident and know what we want and the positions to get it in. On the flip side, if sexual activity has decreased and the desire isn’t being fulfilled it can turn into a “use it or lose it” type of situation.  

Studies show even at the age of 70, sexually active women maintain the drive and can achieve orgasm.  When I worked in the storefront sector of the sex industry, a lot of my regulars were elderly couples. More times than not the male of the relationship was in search of sexual enhancements. One sweet gentleman walked miles to the store to get his wife a new vibrator because his tool “didn’t work” anymore. His words not mine. 

Illness and life changes before menopause can have a negative effect, causing vaginal dryness and loss of libido. It’s advised to speak with your doctor before taking any supplements to enhance. Exercise and a healthy diet are still the keys to longevity. While older men love the young girls because they add to their wannabe image of themselves as a player, they can’t hang with the mamas. Introduce into the scene the young bucks with all the stamina, and welcome to Cougar nation! 

Whatever you’re doing to achieve that magic, be safe and make good choices. Be good to your body. 

 

 

KP Holley is a self proclaimed Meme Queen, a featured author with Brown Girls Books and an independent sexual health and wellness advocate in the Dallas area. This freaky Scorpio will be joining the Fabulous 40s club in a few months and describes her libido as a shero.

One thought on “The Big 4-Oh!

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

Back To Top